Bested, Befuddled, and Utterly Bamboozled
by the-snitch-is-loose
Summary: Arthur Weasley gets his hands on Harry's iPhone. Ridiculousness ensues in the form of singing, angry McDonald's employees, and Fruit Ninja attacks. Set in 2012, five years before the Epilogue.


_A/N: Hello all! I'm currently working on a pretty big story, which I won't be posting until around mid-August because I never post anything until it's completely done (that way I can update consistently). In the meantime, however, I'm writing lots of little one-shots on the side to keep you all entertained :)_

This story takes place in 2012, five years before the Epilogue, and it was inspired by a prompt on the hpprompts Tumblr page I'm always talking about. Enjoy!

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry's brilliant world or anything in it.**_

"Molly, dearest, what's this metal thing sitting on the coffee table? I've never seen anything like it!"

"I'm in the kitchen, Arthur, I can't hear a word you're saying!"

Arthur Weasley picked up the unknown object and moved towards the kitchen, where his wife was busy cleaning up after dinner. It had become a tradition for the two eldest Weasleys to hold an enormous dinner at the Burrow every other Sunday for any family member who could make it. On a typical night, as many as five or six couples somehow fit into the tiny kitchen, as well as their children, requiring many Engorgement charms on the overstuffed room when it grew too cold to use the garden. Despite the relative discomfort of such gatherings, Molly and Arthur found it worthwhile to see the majority of the Weasley clan together under one roof every so often.

"This thing," Arthur held up the object so that his wife could see it properly. Molly turned from where she was supervising the dishes being washed to look. "Ever seen it before?"

"Yes, dear, that's Harry's," Molly said matter-of-factly. "The poor dear must have left it by accident! I'll make sure and send it back to him tomorrow."

"But . . . What in Merlin's name _is_ it? Some sort of— new broomstick attachment? George was telling me about a new device that shows you the weather where you're flying! Maybe this is one of them?"

"Don't be silly, Arthur," Molly said, rolling her eyes as she flicked her wand in the direction of another pile of dirty dishes, which floated into the sink and started cleaning themselves. "It's some sort of Muggle contraption. Ginny says Harry's been making all the Aurors use them now. Something to do with it being untraceable, I guess. You'd have to ask him about it."

But Arthur had stopped listening at the word "Muggle", of course. "It's a _non-magical_ contraption, then? With a _battery_ inside no doubt? I wonder if it has _brakes_, Molly?"

His wife gave him a severe look that almost made him drop the contraption. "Arthur Weasley, I forbid you to tamper with that thing! It's Harry's, first of all, not yours. And second, I don't like the sound Muggle communication systems. What's wrong with a simple owl, eh?"

"Oh, you're absolutely right, of course," Arthur said quickly. "Yes, I'll leave it alone, don't worry. It'll stay right here in the kitchen with you, all right?"

"All right. Go on to bed, then. I'll be up in a few minutes."

Early the next morning, before his wife was awake, Arthur Weasley let curiosity get the better of him. Sneaking downstairs on the pretense of getting a glass of water, he immediately ran for the little metal box that he longed to know more about. As long as he was careful with it, he saw no reason why he shouldn't at least discover a few things about this mysterious device.

Picking it up from the kitchen table as though it was a bomb, Arthur took his time examining it. It was black and glossy, like a polished cauldron, and the back had a tiny symbol of an apple with a bite out of it. "Some sort of rune to give it its power, perhaps? I wasn't aware that Muggles knew anything about ancient runes, but I've been wrong before . . . " Arthur thought to himself, putting the rune as close to his eye as possible to examine it further.

On the side without the rune, a round indent on the front with a little square in it caught Arthur's attention. He touched it, and as he did so the device suddenly lit up with an unnatural light, which nearly caused him to drop it in surprise. Now the thing was covered in runes, colorful little squares with pictures inside. His heart beating faster, Arthur touched one of them.

The effect was instantaneous. All of the runes suddenly disappeared and he could see kitchen table all of a sudden. For one wild moment, Arthur thought the thing had a Cloaking Device on it so strong that he could see through it, but then he saw a word he recognized, written at the top of the device: _camera__._

"Aha!" Arthur exclaimed aloud, excited that he knew something at last. "Yes, I know all about cameras. Muggles use them to talk to each other. No wonder Molly said this was a communicator!" Proudly, Arthur pointed the camera lens around the room, and in no time he'd found the button that made the thing work.

Having seen several Muggle photographs in his day, Arthur knew exactly what he needed to take pictures of in order to communicate with the non-magical people. He ran eagerly around the house, clicking away at anything he knew would get Muggles' attention.

After he felt that he'd gotten his message across to the Muggles, Arthur decided to explore the device further, so he pressed the little round button again to see what happened. To his delight, the action showed him all the colorful runes again. One caught his eye, so he pushed on it, hoping that it was the instruction manual.

No such luck. He didn't know what a "fruit ninja" was, but he was curious enough to find out. Before he knew it, various pieces of fruit were flying all over the place. Arthur gasped in alarm, thinking that the thing had turned on some sort of defense mechanism against him, and nearly dropped it again. He pushed the round button again, which mercifully seemed to act as the defensive counter-spell, because all the fruit immediately disappeared again.

"I must be more careful about what runes I touch," Arthur thought to himself worriedly. "I should have known that Harry would set up defenses; he's an Auror!" Deciding that he would only touch the runes that he recognized from now on, Arthur tried again. He was absolutely determined to discover all he possibly could.

At long last, after nearly ten minutes of searching, he came across another rune that he could identify: a telephone. When he touched it, rows of numbers appeared before his eyes, and Arthur was thrilled to realize for the second time that he knew exactly what to do. He touched a few random numbers (he'd seen Harry and Hermione do this many times, it always worked out for them) and waited while the phone started ringing.

"McDonald's, how can I help you?" said a bored voice on the other end of the phone. Arthur giggled happily; he'd done it!

"HELLO — MUGGLE!" he said, speaking as loud as he could without it carrying up to his and Molly's bedroom. He was also extremely careful to speak clearly; all Muggles were slightly deaf, if he remembered correctly. "THIS— IS— ARTHUR—WILLIAM— WEASLEY! HOW—ARE—YOU?"

"Dude, what is your issue?" the voice on the other end said angrily. "Stop acting like an idiot and tell me what you want!"

"I'D— REALLY—LIKE— AN— INSTRUCTION— MANUAL—IF—YOU—PELASE!" Arthur said cheerfully, happy that he seemed to be getting through to the Muggle, who was surprisingly eager to help him.

"Think you're funny, do you?" said the Muggle. "News flash: you're not, pal. Go waste someone else's time." Then came a buzzing sound; the Muggle was gone.

"Hmm," Arthur said to himself. He was perplexed. Where had the Muggle gone? Had something gone wrong with the connection? Worried that he'd broken the telephone rune, Arthur decided to try something different. He touched a rune with a little musical note on it.

Almost immediately, music started to play, and it wasn't the WWN. Arthur didn't recognize the song at all (thankfully it wasn't Celestina Warbeck); all he knew was that it was playing extremely _loudly_.

"_Hey, I just met you_

_And this is crazy_

_But here's my number_

_So call me maybe_!" warbled an upbeat female voice.

Thinking that the Muggle he'd just spoken with was trying to get in touch with him again, Arthur yelled at the device, "I'LL— TRY— BUT—WHAT'S—THE—NUMBER? HOW—DO—I—CALL—YOU?" The girl, however, merely kept repeating what she'd said before. Getting frustrated, Arthur touched a few more runes. Another song started playing.

"_Party rock is in the houuussseee tonight,_

_Everybody just have a good timeee_—"

"STOP!" Arthur yelled. "WE—CAN'T—HAVE—A—GOOD—TIME—IF—I—DON'T—HAVE—THE—NUMBER!"

In desperation, Arthur touched a few more runes. The song changed yet again.

"_You a stupid ho,_

_You a stupid ho,_

_You a stupid ho_—"

"All right, that's it!" yelled Arthur. "There's no need for name calling! Let me speak to your superior immediately, madam, or—"

"Arthur Weasley, what in the name of all that is magical are you _doing_?"

Arthur looked up. His wife was standing at the foot of the stairs in her dressing gown, hands on her hips and looking downright furious. He quickly hit some runes until the device shut itself off, then tittered nervously, "N-Nothing, Molly dear."

"Are you playing with Harry's Muggle device?"

He couldn't lie to her. "Not _playing_ with it, darling, just trying to learn more about it. Look, I think I finally found the brakes!" Arthur exclaimed, pointing at a tiny circular hole in the side of the contraption. Molly, however, did not look impressed.

"You put that back where you found it, immediately!" she hissed. Arthur obliged without question, and not a moment too soon. Just then, there came a knock on the kitchen door, and Harry himself was waving at them through the window. Molly immediately ran to let him inside.

"Hi, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said breathlessly. "I'm so sorry, I know it's ridiculously early, but—"

"Oh, don't mention it, dear! We were up already anyway! And how many times have I got to tell you to call me 'Molly'?"

Despite his rushed air, Harry grinned. "Sorry, Molly. Anyway, I really need to get to work, but I unfortunately think I left my iPhone here last night, and I was hoping you had it?"

"Yes, we found it," said Arthur innocently. "Here you go, son, just the same as when you left it!" he said, handing it over.

"Right. Thanks, you two! Oh, and we got a letter from Teddy yesterday; he sends his love."

"Sweet of him," said Molly with a smile. "Have a good day at work, dear,"

"You know I will," replied Harry, winking as he Disapparated.

Later that day, Harry was sitting on the couch, fiddling with his iPhone in a bored sort of way. He was waiting for Ginny and the boys to get back from the Quidditch match they'd gone to earlier that afternoon. Knowing that his wife rarely got any time away from their four year old daughter, Harry volunteered to stay home with Lily, who's bedtime was before the match even began. Hermione was probably still at the Ministry, working; Ron and George were doing inventory at the joke shop; Dean and Seamus were on holiday in Ireland. There was nothing else for it but to stay at home with Lily. Not that Harry minded. It was nice to occasionally sit back and relax.

Because he was so bored, Harry opened the pictures file on his iPhone. He loved going through them all; the photos made him smile: James decked out in Harry's old Quidditch gear. Albus and Rose dancing together at Neville and Hannah's wedding. Ginny and Lily making a sand castle next to the ocean. They were only Muggle pictures, so they didn't move, but Harry loved them all the same. Which was why he was shocked to find that they weren't the first thing he saw when he clicked "Pictures".

Thirty or forty blurred photos of the most random things imaginable were what came up instead. Someone's thumb. A table leg. Leftover chicken salad. On and on it went, seeming to have absolutely no rhyme or reason. Bewildered, Harry wracked his brain for any time he'd left his iPhone in the house unattended.

"LILY!" he yelled.

The four year old toddled into the living room upon hearing her name called, her bright red hair (exactly like her mother's) almost completely obscuring her grinning face. "HI DADDY!" she yelled back.

Harry fought back a smile. No, he had to show her that he was unhappy. "Lily, did you touch Daddy's phone?"

"No!"

"You're not lying to me, right?"

"No, Daddy! My fingers are too stucky, remember?"

Harry couldn't prevent himself from smiling at that, even just a little bit. "That's right, I told you not to touch Daddy's work stuff because your fingers are too sticky. Did you do it anyway?"

"I promise, didn't touch it!"

"Then how in Merlin's name—" Harry said quietly to himself as Lily went back to playing on her own. Then he looked more closely at one of the pictures. Just visible (despite the blurriness) in the reflection of a cooking pot was a shock of red hair that he had initially thought was Lily's. Closer inspection, however, revealed a pair of horn-rimmed glasses resting on the redhead's long nose. Lily definitely didn't wear glasses . . .

Harry laughed out loud. "Arthur!"

His suspicion was confirmed when he went through his browser history; the last Google search: "how do airplanes stay up?"

_A/N: Well, what did you think? I had a lot of fun writing this one (as you can probably tell), and I hope you had even more fun reading it! Leave a review and let me know, I'd be ever so grateful :)_


End file.
